If you change nothing, nothing changes

Those of you who know me will recognises the phrase “If you change nothing, nothing changes”

It’s a useful thought for evaluating what we truly want from our life especially when faced with difficult emotions or situations.I have been asked to share with you an incredibly powerful piece of writing by a client who wishes to remain anonymous but is happy for me to share it with you. It is about their experience of the feeling of isolation and moving through to gradually feeling able to step back out into the world again. Thank you G for this amazing gift that you have allowed me to share 🙏

“The bitterness of isolation

You perceive the world as you feel it to be – not as it is

You seek solutions in others rather than look to yourself for the answers you don’t want to face

You feel dropped and neglected when you have dropped and neglected others

You feel entitled whilst forgetting that others are suffering not just yourself

You live by the story in your head rather than the external world that existsYou feel persecuted by untrue thoughts believing them to be true

Whilst you change nothing, nothing changes

The comfort of isolation

You believe yourself to be true

You feel misunderstood by everyone and repeat that only you know the truth

You judge others by their silence and feel validated despite when you have unjustly hurt them and been unkind to them and pushed them away

You feel the world and those in it are false and against you

You feel comforted and justified by your untrue thoughts

You change nothing so that nothing changes

The pain of isolation

You believe you are alone when you are not.

You feel alone because you have made the space within you to be alone

You feel confused, lost and scared and don’t know how to come back into the world

You stay away from others, say hurtful and unkind things to them and about them, you ignore their messages and calls until you want to receive them but by then there are none

You cry yourself to sleep because you believe you have broken the bridges of love that secured you

You want this feeling to change but don’t know how to change it

We all struggle

We are all human

Sometimes that struggle is private, sometimes it’s more public

Both hurt

Both need you to change something, to change that something within

It took time. I believed I was alone when I never was. When I was able to step outside of myself I saw that despite the way I had experienced the world and those in it and how I had treated others and myself in my darkest and most isolating moments, ultimately it is there, as I am, with the same tentative hope and open arms ready to hold, comfort, forgive, encourage and step forward

Thank you

If you change nothing, nothing changes”

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