Complex Needs / Borderline Personality Disorder

Posted by on November 14, 2023

I attended an exceptional workshop in Chelmsford this weekend looking at our Complex Needs population – more often referred to as individuals exhibiting Borderline Personality disorder / emotionally unstable personality disorder.

It is often widely misunderstood and can be chaotically handled / mishandled in healthcare systems often meaning that individuals are treated for individual symptoms such as depression, eating disorders, generalised anxiety, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, self harm/suicide attempts in adolescence and adulthood without recognising the fuller picture that so much more is happening for these individuals.

Individuals with complex needs will very often have experience significant trauma particularly around relationships in - Read More

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New Year…New you?

Posted by on January 5, 2023

“I’ll start it in the New Year”..

It’s something we often say or hear but what does that actually mean?

“I can’t face this right now”

“I want to put this off /avoid it as long as possible”

“I don’t want to think about this”

But what if you did?

What’s stopped you up until now?

What’s stopping you now?

What is so important is to ask the questions of yourself without judgement but with curiosity instead…

You aren’t alone and sometimes it’s just so hard or frightening or worrying or confusing to follow through with what we feel might change our lives for the better.

Give yourself a moment - Read More

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Our Inner Child

Posted by on May 17, 2019

Our “inner child” is a reference that is heard more and more outside of counselling. One dictionary definition describes it as “a person’s supposed original or true self, especially when regarded as concealed in adulthood”. Our inner child often comes out unconsciously and consciously in our thinking, behaviour and actions, both positive and less so, and when acknowledged can provide vital communications of unresolved or poorly negotiated development phases. Where a child has suffered distress this can be held by our inner child element which can manifest in adulthood and influence aspects of our life.

Counselling can help individuals re-work areas which - Read More

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Posted by on April 13, 2018

Boundaries underpin your personal values and sense of self and making sure that they are in place promotes positive well being. Understanding of what is important to you to engage with your yourself and others in a healthy, genuine way gives you the sense of self that knows what feels acceptable and what doesn’t and this is the foundation for a solid core self from which to grow and love.

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Identifying controlling/manipulative relationships

Posted by on June 29, 2017

Often it’s difficult to realise that we may be being emotionally manipulated to fulfil the low self-esteem or narcissistic tendencies of another. You may be told it’s all your fault, you are the reason why your partner or friend behaves in a certain negative way, that you have ‘driven’ them to act in this way and that you must constantly attempt to make amends for being… ‘abusive or thoughtless’ of their needs.

They might praise you in one breath and then subtly attack you in another leaving you confused and doubting yourself. They might display behaviours such as giving you - Read More

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“Honesty is the highest form of intimacy”

Posted by on July 7, 2016

Ever felt that someone (or yourself) was saying something which just didn’t add up or feel real?…Mis-communication is not just about ‘not getting’; what someone else means or not saying what it is you want to really say -It’s a complete experience which we often forget includes our bodies, behaviours and thoughts…

Communication isn’t just about talking… take a moment today to notice what it is people around you are honestly communicating without saying a word…and then maybe wonder what it is you are honestly ‘saying’ in return – you may be surprised at what you ‘hear’

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Because Relationships matter…

Posted by on May 26, 2016

Struggling in relationships with family, friends, work colleagues or loved ones can undermine our mental well being leaving us deflated, irritable and exhausted.

Healthy relationships develop when we make time to nurture them.

In a world of social media it can be tempting to lose ourselves in a cyber world and neglect those in our immediate vicinity.

Staying present with friends, family and loved ones is an important part of making and keeping healthy connections.

Listening to what other people are saying in a non-judgemental way and concentrating on their needs at that moment communicates trust and acceptance. They are talking to you because - Read More

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Why did I just do that?!

Posted by on February 6, 2016

“Behaviour is the product of relational experiences” Margot Sutherland.
In addressing behaviour we need to understand what is trying to be communicated. Sometimes we find ourselves acting or saying something and wondering why did i  just say/do that?! Behaviour expresses a part of our inner world. It communicates a part of us we may or may not be aware of and draws on our experienced expectations …of self and other.

In understanding our behaviour we need to ask why we are communicating and relating in this way. What result am i expecting/predicting based on my experiences from the past in relating - Read More

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Which step have you reached today?

Posted by on February 5, 2016

Taking each day step by step together helps make the mountains more manageable and the molehills just molehills 🙂

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Selective listening and the impact on relating

Posted by on February 5, 2016

Are you a selective internal listener? Always listening to the doubtful, critical sides of ourselves stops us seeing ourselves and others for who we/they are in our/their entirety. By accepting all parts of ourselves, warts and all, we promote a way of relating which can bring out the best in ourselves and others and relate in a loving accepting, non-selective way.
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes and we all do things we might regret – but love can repair and accepting that we have strengths as well as weaknesses and actively embracing those strengths brings us closer - Read More

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